Every sexual activity requires the other person’s clear consent. “Sexual consent” means that, before any sexual activity begins, the other person has freely and voluntarily expressed an active “Yes, I’m okay with this.” Let’s look at what sexual consent means and what standards it involves, so you never unintentionally cross someone else’s boundaries.
What is Sexual Self-Determination?
Sexual self-determination is the right to decide for yourself when, with whom, and where you engage in sexual activity, as well as the right not to be sexually violated.
The key to this right is not about “ability”, it’s about situation and environment. A person can only fully exercise their sexual self-determination when the conditions are in place for them to decide freely.
What is Sexual Consent?
The standard for sexual consent has shifted away from “If they don’t say No, it’s fine” toward “Only an active Yes counts as consent.” This is called “Yes Means Yes” (affirmative consent).
You should only treat something as consent if the other person has clearly said “yes.”
UN Women also emphasises: “Don’t wait for a No, make sure you have a clear Yes.”
For Consent to Be Valid
Consent is only valid when all of the following conditions are met:
- The person is in a situation where they can express their wishes freely
- Their agreement is voluntary
- They are conscious and aware
- Both people understand what consent means at the same level
- The person knows all the relevant facts about the situation
- They are free to withdraw (take back) their consent at any time
Consent matters because every person has their own sense of personal boundaries around their body and relationships. Everyone deserves to have those boundaries respected.
Reference: UN Women, “When it comes to consent, there are no blurred lines”
When Something Is NOT Consent
A “yes” obtained in any of the following situations is not genuine consent:
| Situation | Why it doesn’t count |
|---|---|
| Silence or no reaction | Silence is not consent |
| A yes obtained through pressure or threats | There was no free will, so it is void |
| A yes obtained through deception | Consent without accurate information is void |
| The person was drunk or unconscious | They were not in a state to make their own judgement |
| They agreed out of fear of punishment or retaliation | There was no real voluntariness, so it is void |
Consent Is About the Environment
Consent is not a question of individual ability, it’s a question of whether the right environment for giving consent is actually in place. Before any sexual activity, ask yourself:
- Can the other person say no without worrying about punishment or retaliation?
- Is this a relationship between equals, without a power imbalance (such as a hierarchical relationship or financial dependence)?
- Do both of us understand the meaning of “consent” in the same way?
- Have I actively and first asked for consent?
The more you practice respecting each other’s choices and decisions in everyday life, the better you’ll be at practising sexual consent too. Let’s all respect our own sexual self-determination, and at the same time genuinely value the same right in others.